(The information in this article has been adapted from my course on editing picture books for the Editorial Freelancer’s Association in May 2020. It’s open to both editors and writers interested in learning about revising picture books)
You’ve written a picture book. Congratulations!
But the initial excitement you felt has dampened since that first day you sent it off to a publisher. “Goodbye little book, good luck,” you said, blowing it a kiss. Editor after editor has rejected it. So, you tried self-publishing, but very few people bought your book. Those who did haven’t given it positive reviews, and you don’t understand why. You’ve completed several writing classes, attended more conferences than you can remember for writers, belong to a critique group whose members all love your book, and you know you’ve written it according to the do’s and don’ts of picture book writing.
What could be wrong?
Your book may be engaging, but it may not be unique. Readers, agents, editors and publishing houses see hundreds of manuscripts a month from writers just like you. Although your story may be magical in the eyes of your family and critique group members, the chances are that the people who are rejecting it have seen it all before. What will make them sit up and take notice is not only a clever story with charming characters, but a clever story with charming characters written in a unique way.
A picture book written in a unique way makes it original, and a picture book that strikes a reader, editor or agent as original will make them sit up and take notice. So, let’s have a look at how you can knock some socks off and sell your book.
Techniques for making a dull story shine
Imagine you are walking down a road and come to a fork. There is a sign indicating where each road goes and, while they are wildly different from one another, all the destinations are fabulous. Which one do you choose? All of them in turn, of course! Why limit yourself to only one? This is how I want you to think about the following journey you are going to take. Follow these three routes to see how they can drastically change your story from ho-hum to unique. If you don’t like the final destination, turn back and take a different route. Each one will transform your current manuscript into a new story in different ways. Ready? Let’s go!
Change the tense
The majority of fiction is written in the simple past. The reason for this is that it’s basically solid, invisible and natural to readers – or in the case of picture books, to young listeners. It’s a common tense that readers and listeners expect, but you can experiment with other tenses to see if they bring a fresh perspective to your picture book. Here’s a short passage from the popular fairy-tale Cinderella written in the past tense:
When the prince saw Cinderella walk into the ballroom, he was struck by her beauty. He walked over to her, kissed her hand and asked her to dance. And to the great disappointment of all the young ladies, he danced with Cinderella all evening.
“This is the most magical night of my life,” thought Cinderella. But then, she heard the clock begin to strike midnight! She remembered the fairy’s warning and, without saying goodbye, she ran out of the door, leaving the surprised prince in the middle of the ballroom. As she sprinted down the steps, she lost a slipper, but she couldn’t stop to pick it up. “If the clock strikes midnight… oh… I can’t bear to think about it!” she thought. The door slammed against the wall as she burst out of the castle and disappeared into the night.
Let’s see what this passage looks like in the simple present tense:
The prince sees Cinderella walk into the ballroom and is struck by her beauty. He walks over to her, kisses her hand and asks her to dance. “There’s no need to keep looking for a dance partner, I’m going to dance with this beautiful woman all evening,” he thinks.
“This is the most magical night of my life,” thinks Cinderella. But then, she hears the clock begin to strike midnight! She remembers the fairy’s warning and, without saying goodbye, she runs out of the door, leaving the surprised prince in the middle of the ballroom. As she sprints down the steps, she loses a slipper, but she can’t stop to pick it up. “If the clock strikes midnight… oh… I can’t bear to think about it!” she thinks. The door slams against the wall as she bursts out of the castle and disappears into the night.
Read these two passages out loud. What do you notice? Do you see how the second passage makes you feel as though you are right there in the ballroom with Cinderella? I’m sure your heart is beating as fast as Cinderella’s as she races out of the room. This is because the simple present tense makes readers feel as though they are in the middle of the action, living the event with the character, and neither they nor the character knows what will happen next. As these events are happening at the same time as you are reading them, you share the experience with Cinderella – you feel her fear and sympathise with her plight.
Change the time period
Playing around with the time period of your manuscript can also give a tired plot some new energy and create some original opportunities for the illustrator. If you use this technique, don’t forget to make sure that all the details in your story match up to the new time period. You don’t want Cinderella jumping into a horse-drawn carriage if your story takes place in the future!
Let’s see how Cinderella fares in the year 3000:
As Cinderella sprinted out of the castle, her hovercraft hummed into the bay. “Where did I put my Smart Remote?” she thought, digging in the pockets of her Smart Suit. “If the clock beams midnight… oh… my hovercraft will turn back into a dragonfly and then what will I do?”
Change the setting
How strange – and yet refreshing – would it be to see Cinderella in the jungle?
Cinderella grabs hold of a vine and launches herself into the air. “Come back!” shouts the prince appearing at the door of the cabin. “No can do!” she shouts over her shoulder. “When the stars align to show midnight, my vine will turn into a snake and swallow me whole!”
Notice how when you change the setting, you open the doors to endless opportunities for your illustrator to work her magic and help make your book extraordinary. Also, if you’re looking for a solution to a problem, a new setting can present you with one that would never have been possible otherwise.
And that’s it! Perhaps changing the tenses, time period or setting will help breathe some life into your manuscript. If not, keep an eye open for more techniques in Picture Books: How to make a dull story sparkle (part two) next week.
